Loving Him Well: Choosing Selflessness in Marriage

There are days when the Holy Spirit gently nudges my heart and reminds me: it’s not all about you.

Today is one of those days.

Marriage has a way of revealing what’s really inside of us. The beautiful parts, yes—but also the places where selfishness quietly tries to take root. And if I’m honest, sometimes I find myself wanting things my way—my timing, my preferences, my expectations.

But love—the kind of love God calls us to—is different.

It’s not self-centered. It’s self-giving.

Putting Christ First

Before I can love my husband well, I have to realign my heart with Christ. Because without Him, I will default to myself every time.

The Bible reminds me:

Matthew 6:33

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

When I put Christ first, everything else begins to fall into its proper place—including my role as a wife.

Loving my husband well starts with surrendering my own desires to God and asking, “Lord, how can I reflect You in my marriage today?”

Dying to Self Daily

Let’s be real—selflessness doesn’t come naturally. It’s a daily choice.

Some days it looks like listening when I’d rather be heard.
Other days it means letting go of being “right.”
And sometimes, it simply means choosing peace over proving a point.

Scripture speaks clearly:

Philippians 2:3

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”

That verse humbles me every time.

Esteeming my husband better than myself doesn’t mean I don’t matter—it means I choose to honor him, respect him, and consider his needs alongside my own.

Being For Him, Not Against Him

I don’t want my husband to feel like he’s in a constant battle with me. I want him to know—without a doubt—that I am on his side.

That I am his safe place.
His encourager.
His partner in every season.

Proverbs 14:1

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”

Those words are powerful.

With my words, my tone, my attitude—I am either building up my marriage or tearing it down. There is no neutral ground.

And today, I am choosing to build.

Love That Reflects Christ

The kind of love I want to give my husband is rooted in Christ’s love—patient, kind, and sacrificial.

1 Corinthians 13:4–5

4) “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own…”

That phrase stands out to me: “seeketh not her own.”

That’s the heart posture I desire.

Not insisting on my way…
Not holding tightly to my preferences…
But loving freely, generously, and intentionally.